Are Soul Ties Real?
Recently a woman who I knew nothing about has become really popular, her name is Candice Benbow. And let me just say that I think we have lost the art of honoring people and respectfully disagreeing with people. And I'm definitely going to disagree with a lot of the statements that Candice Benbow made in her interview with KevOnStage.
However, I love Candice Benbow. I follow her on Instagram. I follow her on Twitter. It’s very possible to honor someone to respect someone and just disagree with them, and I think we're in a culture right now where not only do we disagree with what people think, but then we bash the person. I think that is unhealthy and so, Candice, if you ever stumble across this, I enjoy following you on all social media platforms, and hopefully one day you can bake me a cake. I love your blog, I absolutely love your ministry, and I love your platform.
Let’s break down what Candice said in her interview with KevOnStage because she kind of deconstructed this idea of soul ties. In my opinion, she did it from a very semantic point of view. What she said is that the only place that the phrase “soul ties” is present in the Bible is when it talks about David and Jonathan. I agree that's the only place where those words are found; however, we're not just trying to find where the Bible has the words “soul” and “tie.” We're actually trying to figure out does the Bible have the concept of a soul tie. The moment we try to emphasize whether or not the words are there, it becomes an argument from the perspective of semantics and I'm not really interested in playing semantic games. We need to figure out is this concept in the Bible or is this concept not in the Bible.
Let me give us something similar to think on: the word, just the word, “Trinity” is nowhere in the Bible. It doesn't appear anywhere, not from Genesis to Revelation. However, the concept of Trinity is all the way through scripture from Genesis all the way to Revelation. So even when a word is not present, we then have to ask the question is the concept or the idea present. And I would argue that the concept of a soul tie is very much so present.
Let’s break down the word “soul” and then let's break down the word “tie” because we have to understand what these words mean if we're going to try to figure out if the concept exists in the Bible.
So what is your soul? There are a lot of people who debate whether or not there are three parts of the soul or four parts of the soul. Most psychologists, psychiatrists, or mental health professionals would agree that there's either three or four parts to your soul. The three that everyone agrees on is that your soul is:
your mind (your thought life)
your emotions (how you feel)
your will (your ability to say no or to say yes)
These are the three ingredients to the soul that every healthcare and mental health professional agrees that that is the soul. The third element, your will, determines whether you're strong-willed or weak-willed. It determines whether you can look at a cake and say “No, I'm not going to eat this cake.” It determines your self-control or discipline.
The fourth part of your soul that people debate would be your personality. Some psychologists say that your personality is a part of your soul while some psychologists say that your personality is not a part of your soul. But the three ingredients that we've got to have when we talk about the soul is our mind, our emotions, and lastly our will. Our will is our ability or lack thereof to say yes or no to ourselves and others. It is also our ability to create healthy boundaries.
So what is a tie? A tie is an attachment. A tie is glue. A tie can be healthy or unhealthy attachments to other people or other people's mind, feelings, emotions, or actions. Now does sex create healthy and unhealthy attachments in your mind, in your emotions, and in your activity? Yes. Absolutely.
I don't think anyone can debate whether or not having sex with someone alters how you think. I don't know that anyone can argue whether or not having sex with someone has an effect on your emotions or your will. Not only does it, but I think it was designed that way. I think that God designed sex to make two people with separate minds, separate hearts, separate emotions, and separate wills actually walk in agreement together.
My experience is nothing in comparison to the Bible. I can say my experience when I got married, I was not a virgin. And in the dating relationships where sex was a part of the relationship, I can clearly see there was an unhealthy or a dysfunctional attachment in my mind, in my emotions, and in my actions towards the people that I was sexually involved with. Now whether we want to call that a soul tie, whether we want to use those semantics or not is really irrelevant to me. I know that the three levels or layers of my soul, and even the fourth—my personality, in certain relationships was even altered when sex entered into the equation.
Now let's go to the Bible. We’re trying to answer the question does the concept of a soul tie exists. Adam meets Eve and breaks out in a song—this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman for she was taken out of me. Genesis 2:24 says for this reason a man will leave his father and mother. Adam didn't have a father or a mother so clearly, Genesis 2:24 is not talking about Adam. It's talking about going forward from this point on, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. So here's the concept that unity, a one-flesh unity, exists between a man and a woman.
Now let's ask this question, if a couple gets married—they have a ceremony and exchange vows—but they never consummate that covenant, are they one flesh? No, they're not. Actually, in Jewish tradition what would happen to show that a one-flesh covenant has been made is that a Jewish man would have sex with his wife on the wedding night by breaking her hymen and releasing blood. He would then put the bloody sheet that they had sex on outside of their dwelling place to show that a covenant has been made by the breaking of blood, by the shedding of blood. A ceremony legally binds two people together in a marriage agreement but to God, the thing that consummates that marriage is a sexual act which then brings a lot of weight to the act of sex. Sex is not something to be taken lightly if that's the case. Sex is used in marriage to take two things and make them one, to unite them.
Now let’s go to 1 Corinthians 6:12. It says this: everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. I actually think when we talk about sexual immorality or sex before marriage, that’s actually the heart that we should have. That our goal is not to approach the Bible to find out what is permissible and not permissible, but our goal is to try to figure out what's beneficial for our souls.
Was the frivolous sexual life I lived before I was married good for my soul? No, it wasn't. Was it permissible in the fact that God would forgive me and I could find grace? Absolutely. But was it beneficial? No, it wasn't.
1 Corinthians 6:13 goes on to say, food for the stomach and stomach for the food but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute.
There’s that word again—unite. The Bible is clear that my sexual organs are actually members of Christ's body and Paul is saying should I take the members of Christ's body and unite them with a prostitute? Well if I can unite my members with a prostitute, then I could probably also unite my members with a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a sexual partner. This alludes to the idea and the concept that sex is glue and forms attachments. I'm sorry, Candice Benbow but the concept of soul ties definitely exists in the Bible. Whether or not the words exist is really irrelevant because the concepts exist.
There are some points that Candice made in that interview with KevOnStage that I agree with 100%. Now here's where I agree with Candice. Do I think that soul ties; unhealthy, or even healthy, sexual attachments; soul-level attachments; mental attachments (memories you can't stop thinking about somebody); emotional attachments; or will-level attachments (you can't say no to someone) are permanent? No, they're not permanent. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in church to be quite honest.
There is something else I agree with Candice. There are too many pastors that have used the Bible to shame people, to guilt people, and to try to instill fear into people. And I do not believe in making people scared, ashamed, or guilty. I actually think that that's quite ridiculous, and the only pastors or churches that do that are pastors who are scared themselves. Scared of what people who know the truth might actually do. Scared of the options that will exist if we actually preach the truth of Scripture.
I don't think soul ties are permanent and here's why. Me and my wife have sex on a regular basis but let's say I went on a trip or it's been like a week or two and we haven't had sex. Or a great example is when my wife had a miscarriage, we couldn't have sex for weeks. Guess what, I definitely felt distance because time and separation breaks soul ties. Not only does the power of Jesus break soul ties, but good God Almighty, if you feel like a sexual relationship of the past is still keeping you bound, all you got to do is block that person's number and not talk to them anymore. And as time goes by, that attachment loses its power.
Not only does the blood of Jesus break soul ties, but so does time. So that means you can't use the blood of Jesus, but then text that joker every single day and think that the soul tie is going to go away. Whatever you feed will grow and whatever you starve will die. Therefore, soul ties aren't permanent. Soul ties aren't even permanent in marriage. This is why Paul also tells married couples to not deprive each other of sex because if you both are going to walk in one flesh unity for the duration of your marital relationship, then you need to be having sex on a regular basis. So if married couples need to have sex on a regular basis to maintain a healthy attachment, then if you stop having sex with someone then that unhealthy sexual attachment will break and wither away.
So Candice, I disagree with you in that soul ties are an irrelevant topic. They're a very relevant topic. But I do agree with you that churches need to do a better job of not preaching things that are traumatic to people and not laying guilt on people. Jesus definitely talked about this, it's called being a Pharisee.
If you enjoyed this blog, I suggest you share it with someone who may enjoy it also and check back as I discuss more theological topics.
PEACE,
Manny